Behind closed doors

Trying to scrimp and save in ways that I know how to, and one of the ways is through CouchSurfing, i.e. literally "sleeping around" in random strangers' couches. It's definitely something that raises eyebrows whenever I bring it up. Yes I'm adventurous and daring, and this is risky. Trust me, I've heard all the judgments. Maybe it's a taboo in Asian cultures and I may have not told anyone what exactly is involved in my quest on saving on accomodation yet. $0 spent on accomodation for now.

On my tenth (I think) solo surfing experience, and as much as I have accumulated positive experiences, I've also had my share of bad experiences, which I rarely talk about but thought that it's worth a share. Just a penny for my thoughts from my perspective as a female (Asian) couchsurfer. In case you would like to use Couchsurfing, here's some things that I think that you should know before you attempt using the platform. I've been hosted by college kids, working adults and retired folks so I have a fair share of age differences and of course, cultural differences to compare since I've used it in both Asia and UK.

Why do I use Couchsurfing?

It's definitely one of the best ways to interact with the locals and learn about the country/city that you are visiting. The 'social currency' which is the main transaction during the process is definitely the draw for why I do it, basically a transaction of productive interaction. The locals definitely knows the best views and the cheapest/faster way to go about it and the hidden spots where tourists don't know about. I wouldn't have discovered Sofar Sounds happening worldwide, or know that there was an alpaca farm in Leeds, or cycled to a cafe by the countryside when it's -9 degrees celcius. You will be surprised by how much they are willing to confide and share their life with you. I mean I could have booked a hostel or a hotel which is more comfortable and safer but the money involved just doesn't seem like an option.

I have tons to share when it comes to this so feel free to ask. Do note that these are based on my personal (limited) experiences, but in any case, I would still recommend trying it out, especially if you are a poor college kid like me. I call it survival skills.

1. First impression and Communication

Believe it or not, everytime I use CouchSurfing, it definitely feels like blind dating. I have not had much success with getting a female host, thus the term. Trust me, first impression counts, put an effort to write up a stellar portfolio of your "exciting" adventures travelling around the world on your profile and pictures help to paint an image of what you are like in real life. I give a hug/side cheek kiss/ handshake or try my best to charm them with my awkwardness for starters, depending on the cultural norms. I pretty much go with the flow. Being friendly always help. I wouldn't deny the fact that mutual attraction comes into play sometimes as well.

Talk about your country since it's something that you are familiar with. In my case, I have alot to say about Singapore's phethora of food, Singlish and uncommon rules, such as the infamous chewing gum ban imposed by the Singapore government. That's definitely one of the topics that never fails to break the barriers and minimise the first time meeting awkwardness.... Add some eye contact and smile to seal the deal. I guess being an Asian in England has it's advantages, you always stand out like a sore thumb. My conversations with the locals has always been interesting and the questions/assumptions that they have of Singapore/Asians cracks me up every single time. Just keep away from heavy topics like politics, or terrorism, be VERY careful about threading on cultural/religious view. Majority of the people who joined CS are usually well-travelled and have interesting point of views, so seat back and listen to their stories, you might gain some really good life advices.

In any case, I've received so much intangible goodwills, well some tangible and definitely memorable local adventures with my hosts. They would volunteer to carry your heavy backpacks and pick you up from the coach/train station or treat you to some homemade goodies, which always appeal to my stomach. Build rapport and be open-minded about their ideas and respect their opinions. It's a two-sided debate afterall. Funny how sometimes, I panic about not knowing the right things to say prior to meeting them, especially when my hosts are twice my age but it turned out that they are pretty tolerant to my quirks and sometimes play along with my sarcasm as well, anything that bridges the gap helps. It's always an added bonus when both of your are able to converse continuously without the awkwardness.

" Do you speak Singaporean? " I speak English as my first language, Singlish as my second language

" How many seasons does Singapore have?" Two. We call it Rain or Shine / Hot and Humid

" Which city do you live in Singapore?" Singapore is a city, island, country

" Are you a Chinese? or Japanese?" Nope. I'm definitely white

I'm joking but you see my point. I was totally not being sarcastic.

Personally, I find it easier to share my thoughts to people who are foreign to me, it feels safe to open up to people whom you know that you will highly likely not meet again and your secrets are safe with them. I found that if I say what I'm really thinking and feeling, people are more likely to reciprocate and the conversation becomes a real conversation.

2. Keep your expectations low

You are intruding someone's routine, I sugggest you shouldn't be expecting a hotel standards. I keep my expectations low to avoid disappointment, usually a couch, or a camping bed or a sleeping bag with a blanket will suffice but it differs. There are times where you have to sleep on the same bed as your host as well due to space issues, might be weird to sleep on a shared surface with someone you barely know but sometimes, it is your only choice. Note the word sleep, not sex. (Sorry for the brutal honesty but that's the truth and it's not served on a silver platter). The location might not be optimal as well, far from the city centre etc, but you might discover some gems despite the distance.

This is one of the reasons why I don't usually take someone along, I have no idea what accomodation I am going to live in so I don't see a point of dragging someone along. I'm afraid that their expectations of an accomodation for a night or two will be different from mine for one and that will affect their experience. Also, hosts don't usually take in more than one person, well you can try.

House rules and curfews are definitely one the limitations that you have to take into consideration.

Well, my best experience so far was having my own room to myself in Cambridge, home theatre, having homemade breakfast while overlooking a garden. Oh yes, English people definitely have the best selection of teas.

2. Sense of security and safety

Being a female, and having male hosts for most of my experiences on Couchsurfing, is definitely one someone that people might make assumptions of having some sexual inhibitations, which is both true and untrue. I have actually been in situations where I have received requests that are sexual or provocative and that definitely felt threatening and sent a shiver down my spine at least as a matter of fact. It's a tradeoff for taking the risk of staying with someone from the opposite sex. Note: it's not a generalizaton, but there are always some people who sets a bad impression.

There is a power in saying NO and you are definitely not obliged or feel oblige to agree to those advancements unless it's reciprocal and you are down for having any form of sexual activity with them. I mean, it's an unwritten rule, ever heard of Sex-surfing? It happens in real life and I have heard of stories and know people that does it.

Just state that you are in a relationship and politely decline to get out of the awkward situation. A real man will respect the fact that someone is in a committed relationship and will probably not probe further. Well, that definitely was my best bet to such unwanted advancements, even if I'm single. I'm no stranger to body language or conversations that comes with underlying innuendoes. You'll get used to it...eventually and be tactful about your responses. Be very clear on what you want out of the experience. Stranger Danger is definitely real, and it gets tiring to put up your guard after a long day out. You tend to get some weird people inevitably, if you get what I mean.

4. Personal belongings. Keep them in sight.

I have always been cautious about leaving my personal belongings around. I would usually have them where i can see them, even when I'm using the washroom. Just a precausionary measure, afterall, you don't know the odds. Might be trust issues, but I keep my guard up even when I'm sleeping or using the washroom.

5. Females have it easier

Yes, extremely true and I can vouch for the fact that it is easier to receive a host offer for females. For a matter of fact, in instances whereby we get drunk or otherwise, it is easier for the guys to take control and sometimes as mentioned in my second point, it may be an added advantage for them. Again, not generalizing, just some insights that was revealed by some of my hosts.

I've had an incident whereby my host bailed on me last minute when I was heading to London from Cambrdge. Had a mini panic attack but I managed to get a replacement host within an hour or so. That depicts my point. Always have a back up plan in case of such situations. I may have contemplated to stay overnight at a bus/rail station before.

Ultimately, this is a double-edged sword and I try my best to focus on the positive aspects of using it.

Hope that this is insightful and gives you a clearer picture on what goes on behind closed doors.

Living life on the edge,

Xx

Lyrenna